So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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