I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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