everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
no more duck duck goose at the bar
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
