I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
