and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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