Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I have aggressive nipples.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
