Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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