as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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