"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
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