Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
