So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
