You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
