My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
