Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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