MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Randomize
