I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i will never coherently bang her
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize