I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"