You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Did you just see the Batmobile???
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
