i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
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he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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