I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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