I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
