Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
