I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
