she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
