take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
