When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
