I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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