And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
