Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
