Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
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Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
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And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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