I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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