Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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