sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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