just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
