TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
