She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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