Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
