As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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