so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
