I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
