This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
