I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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