Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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