He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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