i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
