He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
