smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
