I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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