was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
