i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Who died my cat blue again?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize