Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
