I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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