Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
