The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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