nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
