I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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