I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
