sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
should my penis look like a turkey
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
