this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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