so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
