we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
