Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
